Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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