I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
