this beer tastes like vomit already
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
