she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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