that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
