K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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