I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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