Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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