He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
