I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
