beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found puke in my bra..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
