Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
