You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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