So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
