My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I did not marry a roomba.
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