Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
