She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
