I'm gonna have a badass scar
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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