I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
