Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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