peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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