It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize