So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
