im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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