im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
