I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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