It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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