Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize