You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
