her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
