I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
