Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
