i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
