i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize