If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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