I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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