"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
