I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
