Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
