Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
