dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
