6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
