i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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