You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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