pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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