he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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