I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
