you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
