I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
