no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
