I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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