this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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