i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
