So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
