My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
