Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
