As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
