During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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