Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
