Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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