how can u be prego again
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
