In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
