you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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