Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
