i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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