just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
