She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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