does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
