Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
