party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
