Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
