He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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